Listen here my guy

Listen here my guy

Listen here my guy

I am not your toy to be played with

I am not to be Yelled at or be embarrassed

I am your lady

There’s no if and why or maybe

Treat me as such for walking away will be a must for me

Understand that I am a woman with no demands because I hold my own and carry my burden by myself

I adjust to my surroundings and sleep with one eye always opened

No matter where my feet lands

I will be in command of my being and succeed in whatever way to my own understanding

Listen here my guy

Being with me is pretty easy

If I told you I don’t like something please don’t persist and get all demanding

If I asked you to respect me it’s because I was respected all my life by many

And that

sorry is just a sorry word on repeat

While your actions has proven oppositely

Listen here my guy

I am in this relationship with hopes of one day being your wife

And having a family of our own with four walls and a roof over our head to call home

I love games but I don’t like pretend

Playing house boyfriend/ girlfriend with plastic dolls as our children

when you accuse me of cheating on you dear

Think twice because I’m not in this for a momentarily ride

I want a lifetime of memories with you side by side

Through the good and the bad

Happiness or sad

Poverty or riches

Starving or full

I want all the emotions of battleships and success

Together with you

Hand in hand

Listen here my guy

I’ve had so many reasons to walk away

Not once

Not twice but many many times

Yet I stayed

And in replace

You drained my energy

Fed me negativity

By bringing up the past each day

As if I’m stuck on the wall since the last four years

Way back when my nephew did you wrong

Just remember I had nothing to do with that

So when you hurt me over and over again with your distasteful words

Remember I’m the one in the middle who is suffering

Remember I have also been hurt

not just by my nephew doing what he did

But also by the words in which you spoke

They were like daggers aiming straight to the heart inflicting my soul with pain

Shattering what love was in my mind as forever I shall remain clueless to where you want to be in my life

Listen here my guy

Please make up your mind

Wether you will carry this hate and torture me with words never to marry me or give me a family of my own

Will you try to heal the past

Get through the hurt?

Will you Forgive and move forward?

Will you walk away forever?

I am still here waiting for things to change

But nothing will

Unless we aim and make the first move at figuring out where we deserve to be

Should we carry grudges and blame or forgive, heal and win?

Listen here my guy

My clock is ticking

And time waits for none

Please make a decision

As you’ve heard my reasons

Of me being the middle one

Taking the hurt while fingers are pointing my way

Yet I stand in questions of our love and faith for each other

Awaiting daily for that honest answer

Listen here my guy

I await your response

Optimistic D3Vi

Little child

Little child

Your health condition worries me

It has my heart feeling heavy

The way your legs tremble to and from up and down

The words you speak confuses me

Your mental state of mind hasn’t been the same

Since the day you witnessed your sister gunned down in front your face

as your eyes peered upon her body from below the bed

I can’t begin to imagine what was going through your head

It baffles me with many questions of why and my soul aches

To see the hurt

upon your face

I wish I could rewind the hands of time

And bring your soul back to life

I wish I could put the beats back in your heart

And push a button that marks delete

Wiping away every pain your eyes have seen

Taking away your misery

But since I am no God and I can’t do so

I want you to know

That my ears are always open to hear the things you need to release

My heart is open to show you unconditional love

My soul is open to your questions and I pray each day I will always have a positive answer for you

I want you to know that there’s a reason for everything and in a season time changes everything

I want you to know that love holds no fear and I love you unconditionally always and forever

I pray for you to get mentally better

Optimistic D3Vi

Prom

Prom

It only comes once in a while

Glams and glitters

Expensive wears

Suits and ties

And gorgeous gowns

High heels and makeup

Corsage on the hand

cameras out

Video footages of the journey

Step by step

as we embrace the magical night

A prom king and queen to be chosen

Dancing away to awesome songs

Wishing this moment will never end

And there it goes

Just one last dance

Prom night the best time of anyone’s life

Optimistic D3Vi

Karaoke 🎤

Karaoke 🎤

You sing

I sing

As we pass the mic around from one hand to another

Singing to a vision far beyond our reach

Purifying our souls

urged to free ourselves

Pouring into a greater journey

Our destinations are where we deserve to be

Karaoke

High pitch with the perfect lift and soft tones as we move in rhythm of a peaceful slow

As waters flows soothingly

The sight of unity

The smell of burning desires

Fire ignited

As we sang individually

Karaoke

Optimistic D3Vi

Thorns on a Rose 🌹

Thorns on a rose

The rose

As beautiful as it is

It causes pain when pricked by its thorns

On the fingertips

It’s beauty brings pain as water is it’s reason for growth

Sunlight for food

As it dwells within the universe

Those thorns are proof that beauty is pain

Rose petals velvety red

Soft and smooth

The stem buried deep in its soil holding in place the magical life to a painful beauty

Thorns on a rose 🌹

Optimistic D3Vi

Please don’t use me as a punching bag

Please don’t use me as your punching bag because of your abusive past

I have feelings and they get hurt

I feel empty too

sometimes even afraid and alone

But that doesn’t mean it’s okay

for me to be angry with you all of the time

Or pointing the blame through out the difficult times in our lives

So please don’t use me as a punching bag

Emptying your emotions upon my shoulders making me feel unworthy of your love

As you degrade my character for the miserable childhood you had

Please don’t use me as a punching bag

For I have been hurting too and I am also sad

Things in my past I cannot change

My life isn’t perfect and will never be the same as when my innocence was alive and I knew not of being hurt or denied

Please don’t use me as a punching bag

Because I’ve shared with you all of my mishaps

I am far from perfect and I wish never to be that is because it’s better to try and fail than fail to try

in order to succeed

Through those moments is when growth begins and we live and learn from everything

So please don’t use me as a punching bag

To satisfy your pains by seeing someone you claim to love hurt by the words you used in vain

Please don’t use me as your punching bag

Optimistic D3Vi

Criticize me NOT!

Criticize me not

Criticize me not for you know nothing about the shoes I’ve walked in

You know not of the horrific things which has happened to me along my journey of life and the challenges which could have led me to my death

Criticize me not

For I am a woman filled with love protruding

No matter how much I am hurting

Criticize me not

For I am now more stronger than ever because of the trials in which I’ve once faced

I’ve built up my courage to stand firm and carry my own crown

So

Criticize me not

For I am a woman who will always stand her ground

Criticize me not

For my education, skin color or religion

My car, house or job description

For I am a woman who works very hard

Contributes to everything in the home and from the heart

I try to make everyone happy around me and distribute my time evenly and yes I may sometimes get angry

It’s the human in me

Criticize me NOT

Optimistic D3Vi

Comparing the past realizing the hurt

So many levels

So many questions

So many reasons to understand that life is what it was meant to be

And only us humans can change our destiny

Sometimes we speak for others to listen but mostly we seek for healing

Speaking of things as we all compare of

our uncertain circumstances

Knowing that the answers are buried deep within us

We will always have a solution

Verbally communicating with others who are going through the similar situations can heal us as we realize that the past has a lot of demons

From childhood to adults we carry through that pain trying to hide those emotions and when everything builds up it eventually resurfaces

Only to face the truthful pain

We battle emotions of neglect, disrespect, verbal or physical violence

Life is a circle and what happens is that we must face the challenges head strong and face forward to heal past the hurt and begin to grow.

Optimistic D3Vi

Cluttered minds catastrophe

Cluttered minds

Catastrophe

No matter how hard I try to escape my mental challenges it still brings me back to the verbal damages

Constantly replaying in my mind

The words you spoke after years of knowing me

It took you eight years to say how you truly feel

And all along when things went right

I had no clue as to the emotions you were battling inside

I wish I knew a long time ago

Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so very low

About my character

Although your thoughts about me isn’t true

It’s your opinion

Still I can’t seem to understand why it bothers me

Because I know I’m a great woman

Indeed I’ve made mistakes and that which I’ve accepted

We’re humans and its bound to happen

But with you everything has to be perfection

And for me

I can’t be that woman who starts pretending

That I can flow with the winds direction

I’m trying my best to make it right but constantly bringing up the past won’t fix the issues we have

Getting past and pushing forward is the only solution to this insane verbal communication

Optimistic D3Vi

I remembered

Taking trips down memory lane

As I remembered all of the pain

While questioning my God

Although I’ve encountered many beautiful things but more pain than joy

As I sit on the sofa

I began to think

Why is all of this happening?

I do so much good for many others and yet the pain remains

That aching pain buried deep within

Always seems to keep resurfacing

I remembered that day

When my innocence was snatched away

By a complete stranger

As I was forced to repeat the incident over and over as authorities questioned for exact details

I remembered the Cops asking me to please help assist in catching this criminal by describing his features

But my mind goes blank every once in a while

And I zone out into a place where I don’t belong

All alone and afraid

The visions in my head

As I relived that day

Like a melody stuck on repeat

With a horrific beat

I remembered that day when I opened up

And trusted a guy

Told him those secrets which I always wanted to hide

I remembered how he reacted with tears in his eyes

As he hugged me and told me I’ll be alright

I remembered his eyes peering into mine and I felt a sudden comfort to my surprise

I remembered as time went on and things went south that same man began to shout all of that pain out by throwing it in my face

Questioning the woman I am

I began feeling neglected and disowned

Torn down and broken

I remembered that dagger

Hitting hard

Like double edges swords fighting battles no one knows of

I remembered getting the results from my Doctor

Being diagnosed with stage one uterine cancer

Not being able to have a baby of my own

Being told I will have to have a full hysterectomy

As my mind drifted and I began to start

Losing slowly what’s left of my womanhood

And my dignity

I remembered going in for treatments while Doctors yelled at me as if it was my fault which has happened to me

I remembered that day you took my heart and when you threw it back in such an awful way

I remembered it all from beginning to now as if it was yesterday this all occurred

My mind is battling emotions which no one knows about

Optimistic D3Vi

Create in me

Create in me

A garden of love

Rose petals and sunflowers

Bright reds and yellows

Purples and blues

Classical tunes

Create in me a sanctuary

A place where the universe respects me

Where magic happens and love blooms

Create in me

A mystery

For eyes that seeks and a soul that yearns

In hopes of faith and magic

A garden of love

Create in me

A beautiful womb

Bringing fourth life and a peaceful home

Placing good intentions in whatever you do

Create in me

A garden filled with colors of life

Guiding and protecting me with all of your might

Create in me that burning desire

When the body tingles and toes curl

Luring me in and letting me lose control

Create in me

A haven to lay my head

Desiring for love and respect

Create in me

A garden of colors and love

Optimistic D3Vi

Why?

Why?

Why do you invade my mind in the deepest darkest hours of the night?

Why do I allow you to control my sanctum when I look to you for simple guidance?

Why do I allow this insane manipulation when I am making real life decisions?

Questions I keep asking myself

Not knowing how else could I cope

To whom else will I vent?

Tales that are untold

Mysteries unfolds for the eyes of those who feels the pain buried deep within

When they begin soul searching

Why do I allow you to convince me that my character is disgusting? Is it because I have low self esteem and you’ve found a way to diminish me?

Why do I allow your verbal abuse? Have you ever thought that I’ve been through this before and I’m stronger now to just listen and endure?

Why do you think so low of me? Have I not given you my heart freely?

Why do I tremble when you speak? It is because your voice has made me feel and your words have conquered my soul, leaving that bitter sour

deep down inside

And a part of me wishes to curl up and die

Why do I allow you to walk over me with words? That is because you have never been loved before and mistakes will be made that is true but understand that your actions cannot constantly be forever forgiven

And true love isn’t a match made in heaven

It’s learning to grow, adapt and achieve together as one

It’s not yours nor mine

It’s “our” mission

Why do I allow you to do the things you do and say the way you feel? It is because my love was strong and my faith in “us” is real

Optimistic D3Vi

Monstrous love

Please don’t birth in me what you wish not to see

For I have only existed in your life as a tool of service when in need

For days at a time

I have cried

And you’d turn your face and hide

Nothing changes

Just words becoming more bitter and hearts more heavy

Mind cluttered from the distinct

Catastrophe

Reasoning with you is like an

Endless agony

Please don’t birth in me what you wish never to exist

For each time I crumble and break down in disgust

I will carry less weights on my shoulder and in prayer I must walk on even stronger

Abandoning the love with which I once entrusted in you

Seeking refuge in Gods light and having faith to see me through

Please don’t birth the devil inside

For I was once humble and polite

And things can change

For better or worse

But once a damaged property

Nothing will ever work

Please don’t birth the pain in me

For I can turn

against that honesty

And you will regret

Because I know who I was

Indeed a change

is a must

Wether for good or for bad

Each side had its chance

At making amends

Letting go is not just for show

It’s deep and dark releasing its part

Please don’t ever birth in me that monstrous love for a broken heart is what made us part

Optimistic D3Vi

Rebuilding on new foundations

Breaking to rebuild on new foundations

You’ve broken my heart with daggers from the words you speak which flows from the lips which had once kissed me

You’ve shattered my dreams of becoming successful with your threats of calling in immigration and the US Marshall’s

You’ve destroyed my soul with your distasteful words

Cluttered my mind with negativity and ripped apart my pride and dignity

But today I will rebuild what you have torn down

That is my womanhood

My womb must heal past the hurt

My mentality will change for the better

And you will be a memory filled of emotional disasters

I will rebuild on new foundations

That is my character in which I will fight for

Proving my destination is greater than what you foresee for me in the near future

You have claimed my prize possession taking my heart and throwing it back without

considerations

You dug deep and hit me where it hurts

Using my past to relive that hurt

You birthed in me the beautiful monster you see

And pointed fingers, telling lies and verbally abused me

I will rebuild and it will be stronger this time

I refuse to allow your negative energy bring me down with time

I am ever more stronger than before

From the degrading words you spoke

About me

I will now carry myself with my head held high holding on to my pride and privacy

Keeping in the silence of steady progress

As my success shines brighter within me

I will rebuild from the gutters to the skies

I will climb to the highest mountains and speak only to the wise

I will rise

Optimistic D3Vi

What was the start of the fight as a mind goes blank under the starlight. Drifted thoughts…

After years of listening, coping and dealing

I became the trash that’s taken out at midnight

Disposing my innocence together with my emotions

Mixed signals

As similar to traffic lights

Confused as

One side is blinking while

The other is blank

Like

Two sides to a book

That is

Front and back

Words adding heavy weights on the soul

Like painful categories

Luring the brain to focus on the the title

Leading with full control

Pleading insanity

Desiring for ones mind to seek focus

On that which has been written

Words of deep and dark, Dreary visions

Mental predictions deep within

Burning Sensation flowing beneath the skin

As the vessels within me began opening

Creating illusions of what my eyes are reading

Broken in disgust

My character chained

Shackles on my feet

And corruption in the brain

Distancing myself from the universe as I seek refuge from the things which hurts

While sitting under blankets of stars

Alone under the skies light

As I thought and questioned

what was the reason in the starting of this fight

Optimistic D3Vi

Words

Words slicing through my veins

Causing me to lose control of my sanity

Making me speak angrily

Illusions created in the mind

As anger builds up and releases on its own time

The past, present and future has been scorched, with the words from one with a broken heart

Spilling words with such haste

bringing fourth a bitter taste

Words has the power to cut deep

Like Pouring salt on open wounds

It takes years for it’s surface to heal

Optimistic D3Vi

Words are like daggers

You hope that I suffer for the rest of my life

I understand now

That

Words spoken in anger and hurt can cause destruction in the hearts and mind of anyone it’s intended towards

I felt those daggers

Digging deep

From inside

Pushing its way through to the surface

For the world to see the confusion on my face and

The corruption on my soul

It clearly shows

I am broken by your words

You hope that I suffer for the rest of my life

Because I was busy working and providing, cooking and cleaning to make everything feel right

Trying to keep my composure

With my head held high

And because I did not have much time

You wished me bad

You spoke with the tongue of a doubled edged sword

Inflicting pain inside my womb

Causing my anger to grow

Those words I would never have wished upon you

Are the words you pray for me to feel

My endurance levels aren’t the same as when we first met

Little things say or do continue to get under my skin

But those words was just the icing on the cake

Making me now regret the times which we’ve once shared

I am broken by your words

And there isn’t anything that will change the way I feel

Not time, not money, not apology’s, not a birth of new beginnings

But the one thing that will make me a better individual is to refrain from the one thing that hurts me most

And that is your words

Keeping you at a distance

And putting myself first in all equations

Optimistic D3Vi

Carry me lord

Carry me through

Lord Jesus

I pray

For my cheeks are stained with the blood that came from the tears which I have cried

From the eyes that see

Equality

Yet in society I am still denied

Denied the rights of a being human

Speaking the truth of our being into the reason of our existence

Carry me lord

From the troubles I am faced with

For only you I trust

With my tears stained face

Because the human flesh has already sinned

And it will continue to occur from the beginning of time until the end

Carry me lord

From the brutal pain

Of society’s labels on the mental and disabled

From the torture of the wooden sticks and

The metal bars which surrounds my brain

Capturing my state of mind

Carry me to a place where I can find my sanity again

Carry me lord

into the motions of the waves

Let me drift away into the depths of the ocean

As the sunsets on a beautiful Sunday evening

Carry me lord for my trust is only with you

Optimistic D3Vi

Happiness is…

What’s is happiness?

Happiness is when you smile without even knowing why

When your soul is at peace and whatever the world throws at you

Is beneath your feet

As you walk upon those disasters one after another

You smile knowing that inside you’re free from that enraged soldier

A moment of silence as the rain drops falls to the ground

You inhale the sweet aroma of salt water and exhale the negativity of tribulations

Manifesting into something greater

Happiness is

The butterflies inside your inner core

Conquering the universe

As you sit on your throne and look down below at the wicked and sins

Knowing you are pure from deep within

Happiness is you, me and those who choose to let go of the negativity

Allowing God to stimulate your mind, soul and energy with purity and gratification

Happiness is…

Optimistic D3Vi

Writing ✍️ & its powers

Writing & it’s powers

One day I pray to become the most important writer in the universe

Creating a different story for the eyes of many to read

along the white blue lined pages

I pray that my writings teaches love, compassion, and things in which many are able to relate to

Past, present, & future

Speaking into existence life or death

I pray my writing takes others on levels they never imagined they could be on

Levels higher above their own understandings

I pray my words speaks through the heart and it’s desires of a better place

I pray that each word written by my hands ignites the fire in your burning desires

That gates open and reveals the purity of my life in front your eyes as you devour into the meanings behind those lines

I hope that the sun continues to shine although rainy days I prefer but for my readers I wish they are sunny and bright inhaling the morning light exhaling the darkened cold and lonely nights

As each page takes you through a different universe

Speaking and pronounced differently each letter as it rolls off the tip of your tongue

I pray that you inhale and exalt my name

As I take you through some of memory lane

Although you may shed a tear from time to time

Let me clarify that though tears at night joy cometh in the morning light

Peace can be with you as you heal past and push through

Levels of pain leads you through life’s knowledge as gained

I pray my writings break those walls which you built around yourself to let go and let God do the rest

I pray I break that barrier between healing and hurt and combine them both to understand their points

I pray that each weak point is renewed with strength and more driven for progress of the hearts healing

Through my writing you will

See who

I am and begin to believe in yourself first and know that power comes with the choices of your words

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Forced to kill by the devils whisper in my ear

The devil whispers in my ear

Forced to live and escape mentally my being

To rule over the lifeless body which sits in front of me while I held that scalpel in my right hand

All sorts of thoughts ran through my head

Invading the tiny space of sanity of which I had left

I am forced to make a decision quickly

Soon the cops will

Flood this facility

and the thoughts remain the same

“Should I let his lifeless body bleed out slowly or should I rip through his body again and again until I’m certain that he is dead?”

Time ticking as the first instinct I came up with

Rip through as that body turns blue, and pale

Knowing I’ve drained every drop of blood out of his disgusting veins

I’m satisfied now

He won’t ever get to touch any other little girl again

Inappropriately

He wouldn’t be alive to penetrate his penis inside a twelve year old child

I am forced to stop him now while I can

the devils whispers in my ear

Take the life of those who don’t deserve

Your wish

my command

Written by

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Dark lights

Dark Lights

Walking along the sidewalk as the sun beams upon my skin and the hair strands stands on my forearm

Eyes closed hiding from the sunlight as darkness consumes my soul

Doors to a dark tunnel as the color changes from bright yellows to red and orange to deep black

hiding the lights to my heart

I hear the sounds as I walked further allowing the darkness to take me deeper to the sounds of water dripping from the ceiling

It’s the waves I hear

They all come

Crashing in

Down memory lane

From light to darkness

I enter the only room which was forgotten long ago

Years of the brutal attack when pain snatched all I had

It wasn’t the water in the ceiling

It was the blood clots from the deep cuts through my brain

As darkness over powers the light which was once alive in my soul

The rippling effect that it leaves

As the dark lights rule over my life

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Alone time

No one will ever understand that sometimes I need my time to be alone

To meditate and reflect on the things that keep me sane

My writing my art and the minor things I do that keeps me alive inside

Other than constantly answering the phone to listen to drama and lies

those individuals can change their own circumstances

But refuse not to

I’m tired of the constant bickering and the brutal words when anger consumes my soul

I’m tired of arguing over the same old nonsense that I try so hard to speak positives over

Doubt things will ever get better

Being alone helps me to stay positive on my own

Because every one that surrounds me is so negative and depressing

I’m sick of the same old bullshit

Time to move forward and do my own thing

Nothing against anyone

Just tired of everyone else drama

I have enough of my own

And the more I listen the more I hate for unnecessary reasons

So it’s better I stay away

Because my heart became very cold

At this point

I don’t even know who or how to love anymore

So yes

I think the best thing is for me to stay away from the negatives that drains me and my soul

It’s easier to write of bad things

Rather than the tiny joys of life

So yes being alone

Does me perfectly right

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Twisted thoughts

Twisted thoughts

Collective objects

Sharp instruments that can cut though the veins smoothly

leaving no traces of ridged edges

I know now that the

Doctors won’t be able to find the actual incisions unless it bleeds through and the blood surfaces to the top of my skin

That is the only way they will know that I’ve sliced through my veins

As I sit near the window sill

Looking out I see

The vultures of deep black

Ravens

The sign of death drawing near

The sun dims as the moon shadows over

Thunder and lightning yet no sign of rain heading near

As

Twisted thoughts enters my head

If I pierced through just a little more

I can implode the vein causing me to bleed out

Leaving my body dried out as if someone sucked the life out of my lungs

And ripped out my beating heart

I imagine

How would the coroner write their report

Would it be suicide or just another victim to a brutal attack of

Twisted thoughts

Implicated by another individual

Would the news report on television state that “a young woman who was filled with such love by others committed suicide because she was still not happy?”

Or would the title on the front page leave everyone worrying because they believe that someone like me who enjoys life so much was brutally attacked in her own home?

I wonder sometimes if I did commit suicide,

What would the world believe and the ones who knows me

How would they look at the frontlines of the newspaper while they sip on their morning coffee?

I wonder what would they feel?

As I sit

With twisted thoughts of dismembering my body parts because I am fed up of life that which I was never happy at all

Pleasing others before myself

Taking into consideration of other individuals and their feelings

I forgot myself

And now that I am far gone

I live on with twisted thoughts 💭

To be continued…

Title given by; Gary B.

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Time

Time

I dedicate my time

My love, my energy into most things I do

There’s times I may not be able to give that time to do the things I need to do

For others

But I try the best I can

No matter the circumstances or situations

Time is precious and it’s some things which we can’t ever get back

Once lost

Can never be found

Once given

Can never be taken back

Once dedicated

Can never readjust

Time is the essence of life

We live to eventually die

Through time

We are each accounted for

Our deaths we know nothing of

Because when it is our time

To depart

Time awaits for none of us

Time is valuable

Cherish it

Embrace it

Accept it

Adore it

For time is not with us forever

Make the best of the time which you have for there’s no telling when the clocks stop ticking and the breath we have left will

Be gone

Time is life

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Dreams

Dreams

They feel so real

Awakening to a different scene

Confused and uncertain of what else is there next to do

Body shaken up

Sweat dripping

Not sure if it’s cold sweat or anything I should be concerned about

So vivid so real

Sometimes I wonder what if it was the way things were supposed to be

As somersaults take place inside my stomach

My mind corrupted and I’m lost

Trying to piece the puzzles together

Making much of what I have to what I dreamt is just another complication

Writing it all down and trying to figure it out

Still there’s no sense of direction inside my head

My motions are battling against my emotions

Indecisive of going straight or in circles

Wrapped up into my own complex situations

Dreams

They take you on different levels of insanity

Trying to interpret of what they mean

To be continued…

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Darkness in the Asylum

Darkness in the Asylum 

Walls closing in 

Visions of things 

Mind boggled, thoughts are lost

My feet began wandering 

Eyes open; yet blind

The darkness and invasion luring me in

My privacy stolen from me 

The hallways that hears my screams 

Needle after needle piercing through my skin

Hair rapidly falling from my head 

As if shaved with an invisible razor on a thread slowing pulling with vicious force 

Face drooped, skin hanging, caused from deprivation of food 

Body bruised from the constant beating 

Wrists with lined imprints of the shackles which locked me away 

Punished for my eyes playing tricks on me 

Medications forcefully injected in my veins 

My body shivers and in constant pain 

as tears streams down my face, while I write this scribe and lower my head in disgust of the person I’ve become 

Institutionalized because I see things which are not always there! Is it my fault that the darkness is closing me in? 

To be continued…

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Makeup 💄

Makeup

Caramel foundation, peach blush

Golden highlights above the Cupid’s bow, eyebrow bone and the tip of my nose

Eyeshadow colors of peach, brown and gold.

Black liquid eyeliner does the trick

A little mascara to plump the eyelashes giving them a more thick and seductive look

Red matte lips 👄

Now it’s all understood

That a lady with her makeup on fleek is a priceless beauty to see

She hides her emotions behind a colorful explosion

Makeup the magnificent magician 🎩

That hides the face and creates

Any form of illusions

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Solomon our little King in the make

I held you in my arms at two months old

As you looked up at me with those precious eyes

welled up with tears inside

as it streamed down your face, I cried too and a part of my heart melted at that moment. I vowed to protect you from the hands of the beast

those who left you alone with a bottle in your play pen as if you could have fed yourself at that age

I thought “this is insanity”

I was kicked down a flight of stairs

In my arms as I held you near

I protected you and took that hit

I slid down and tumbled over the last three stairs

Yet I stood by your side and each day you were left alone

I came and took care of you while that beast left you for hours by yourself to work at a bar late at night

I lied to my parents saying I was with my boyfriend then

While he was cheating on me

I was in his home taking care of you

While his mother worked in the bar

I watched over you

Without their knowledge

And then one day

I told your real mother

It wasn’t about a job I wanted or needed

It was about the love and care for you mostly and the joy in which you also brought me

I watched you as you laid peacefully

while I cradled you in my arms and rocked you to sleep

After I have done changed you, shower you, fed you, burped you and sang for you

My life felt complete

I fell in love with your smile and you were like my little child

I loved you more than anything because your laughter brought me joy and that moment of seeing you for the very first time

You also saved my life

With the sounds of your cries

I remember running up the stairs

Leaving the bags at the door because I heard a baby screaming as if someone was suffocating that child

I was at a point where I wanted to give up, and kill myself

But your sounds had stopped me in my tracks

That day what I had intended to do was never accomplished and that is because of you

God showed me a life other than mine who was deprived of real love

I ran to your rescue without any issues

It was my instinct and at that moment I found you

I found hope

A reason to become brand new

My strength was now getting renewed

I believed again

I had hope

I kept the faith and I prayed again

I took you away from that horrible woman Who didn’t care wether you were alive or dead

The woman who saw money before a precious life

I saved you as you saved me

And I watched you grow slowly but surely

I remembered when your grandma and pa

Would visit me in jail

I remembered how you ran to hug me and kiss me

I also remembered that your first steps are because of me

I pushed you through from the moment you held on to my hand

I guided you

Followed you and gladly helped you with your first steps of accomplishment

You walked that day from the television to the sofa as I clapped and cheered you on

Screaming

Go, go, Solomon

You can do it

I taught you to count and sound out words

I showed you things many didn’t take the time to

And today I have felt like a failure indeed

Because those same little footsteps I helped you with

You have turned and raised them on me today

Kicking me several times

Causing me to internally bleed inside

Not just my stomach

But my heart too

You have stomped, torn and diminished everything I ever taught you

with the anger which you held against others

You have kicked them to me,

in, out and through

Solomon I am hurt today

And that is because of you

You made me happy when I was only seventeen

Today I am thirty two and I wish to never ever be in this situation again

I am more hurt and afraid of you than I am angry and bitter

I have shed one too many tears

And although I know you have ADHD

(A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness)

It doesn’t give you the right to hurt those who loves you dearly

You are taking advantage of your medical condition

Using it as excuses in unfortunate situations

But you know what is wrong from right and your mental state of mind isn’t always the cause

You’re a big boy now

I expected better from you than to constantly hurt others with lies and physical abuse, threats or demands

You know better Solomon

Your condition can be better but everyone says leave you be

Before you act out and create a scene rather than they just discipline you

They feel sorry

But I am not

Because I see potential in you and you can’t see past your nose

You listen to others as they remind you of your disease

You have abused us all with your threats of committing suicide

At twelve years old I can’t understand

why do I have to run and hide knives away from you

Because every mistake you make

you blame everything on your brain

Solomon our little King 👑 in the make

I pray you understand our teachings and change your ways one day

🙏

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

It isn’t fair that at 32 years

I am still being told what I should or shouldn’t do

Wether my parents or the man that I am with

Sometimes I wish just to run far away

It’s sad that I have no life and

My time is dedicated into always doing what’s right

Not just for me

But everyone else too

I pretend that it’s okay and hope and pray that it ends one day

I have that respect

that is why

I have not neglected them

Yet there’s times when I want to run and have no regrets

Live life on the edge and indulge in what satisfies my soul; the urge of laughter is needed to cure my hearts disaster

Optimistic Devi ❤️✍️🙏

Sometimes I try

Sometimes I try

Sometimes I try to please everyone around me

And in the process I lose myself and a little of my sanity

Running around in circles

Answering one question after another

Trying to cope

Giving the best advice I could of

Listening when others need an ear

Thinking of solutions

Helping those to conquer their fears

But when my advice goes down the drain

Into a gutter with disgusting remains

I feel used

Washed up and confused

Verbally abused

No matter how hard I try

I fail

And I still know not of why

It isn’t because of me

For my advice is given freely

And those who don’t take heed

Then the challenge you will face

indeed

Sometimes I try

To help those who needs the advice

And when all has been said and done

I become

The bad one

But that’s okay

Because I have tried

Although I have failed in their eyes

At least I have tried

It isn’t my fault

Although I blame me sometimes

My mouth and my honesty gets the best of me

Causing me to lose control of my emotions and giving advice based on my past experience

Sometimes I try just too much and it comes a time

When enough is enough

Optimistic Devi ❤️ ✍️ 🙏

Tattoos

Tattoos

Tiny needles piercing through the layers of the skin

Connecting lines, dots, and names

Creating images of unique art

Some with colors, some with none

A passion of likes, wether an animal, an object, a symbol or designs

Tattoos are like visions in other people’s eyes

They show their meanings through the pattern that was etched into their skin

All of us

Each unique in our own way

Letting art show our beauty with creative drawings

Tattoos are for those who are daring and enjoy art

Tattoos for some are the only way of their expressions of the heart ❤️

Some get tatted for the dead

Some for hate

Some for those who actually have killed

They signify just about anyone or anything it’s a form of beauty on the skin

Tattoos is art

Optimistic Devi ♥️✍️🙏

Music 🎵 🎼 🎶

Music 🎵 🎼 🎶

From the beginning of time

Music 🎼 was made

With tin cans and metal spoons 🥄

Or just about anything, that clinks

Violins 🎻 and guitar 🎸 strings

Voices in the wind

Echoes through tunnels

Screams from a distance on the top of a mountain ⛰

They all leave a ringing sound like music to the ear

When you’re sad 😔 and lonely 😩 listen to some tunes

They make you feel better or may give you the blues

If you’re happy and cheerful 😃

Then put on some music and

Let’s rock to the rhythm of its base 🎶

Music 🎵 takes you through events of the past, or at the moment

Leaving you with a feeling of complete satisfaction, no matter the time or place

Music 🎼

Soothes the soul

Heals the sick

Cures the wounded heart ♥️

Bring tears 😭 to the eyes 👀

And smiles on a face

Music 🎶 🎼 🎵

Optimistic Devi ♥️ ✍️ 🙏

No matter what people say

No matter how they feel

I got you and you got me

No matter how hurtful your words may be at times

I know your actions speaks louder them

I may not get much time with you through the day

But I think of you through mines and ways to fix things when we fight

Times is hard and things happen

We all make mistakes and some can never be forgotten

So with this said

I’m willing to fight

Fixing things the best that I can and making things right

Because you’ve always lead me straight and gave me great advice

to keep my words to myself, sometimes

Or you would give me all the reasons to write

I love that you encourage me to pursue my goals

Taking my education to higher levels

Writing and sharing my journey of life

Leaving my words as inspiration

for the future child and the many more people in this world

Leaving behind a legacy

Written facts and situations in the lives of many

Some are struggles and some are smooth

You give me titles for each poem and I thank you for each day you give me encouragement

I love you Vic

Although at times your words hurts my soul at least you apologize

And when I forgive

We make beautiful memories

Because each fight makes us stronger

8 years in counting and we’re still able to finish each other sentences at times

So there is something that is right

And if we continue to see eye to eye

Then our journey will be a gorgeous sight

Optimistic Devi 🌹

Time wasted

Nothing irks my nerves than time wasted and nothing gained

I understand that not everyone has time to respond to a message or a call all the time

But if you say you will do as you say

Let your words not go down in vain

Rather be stern and mean what you say

Do as you speak because actions speaks louder than words and God only knows what that is worth

Because lately

No one believes in respect

To respond to a message or the phone call of a friend

No one understands that it means the world to someone for the time from someone else

No one will know how much it hurts to stay awake and wait for that text or

Call

And yet

Nothing

No one

Not even a single word out of respect for the time you have made me wasted

But you have the time

To send me a message the day after

Many Hours later

That you’re sorry

Yet sorry still doesn’t cut it

And my time has already been wasted

So why try to fix things now?

Why waste more time in arguing

or speaking of the same thing twice?

I know my worth and I’m glad I just over looked the anger which I held

Because I may have said so many things I might have regret

Nothing hurts than my time being wasted

🤦‍♀️

Devi Optimistic 🌹