Can’t be trust and belief

Can’t be trust and belief

Years of agony and painful betrayal

Illusions in the mind of being played

As if life was just a game

Toying with my emotions as my mind ran wild

Drifted thoughts of random suicide

I felt used and drained

While my mind played tricks on my heart and my soul still yearned for love

I am still stuck on believing what the past was

Being cheated and lied to

Degraded and embarrassed

By Deceitful sweet like honey lips

I believed that love was meant to be attached with pain and so it began harder for me to find trust in another again

I began to believe that each individual will do the same and so

Through the process I started to push those who truly love and care further away

I began to believe that I didn’t deserve the love which was offered with a sincere heart and a clean mind

I felt useless

Yet I loved again giving my all and but still afraid of being hurt

It isn’t fair for my husband and yes I know that

He may think I am wrong for not trusting his words all the time but how can you blame me for reacting that way when there aren’t just one message or just from one person

There were many other women and so indeed there will be questions

I’ve been scorched so deeply leaving traces of ridged edges around my soul which causes my brain to lose control

Don’t blame me for the past hurt

It’s hard to believe when I’ve been burnt

Open wounds are still there and it’s a healing process in which I am prepared

Just give me time I beg of you

For I know your love is true

I’m growing deeper to trust and in time our love will blossom

Because in your arms it is my haven

I am safe and at peace

I am trusting the process and I do believe

So as I end this scribe

With tears stained cheeks

I beg of you to never leave me incomplete

Optimistic Devi