Please don’t take my kindness for weakness

I am too strong

I will let you go

I will wipe those tears and brush my shoulders off

Don’t ever think for once that I am desperate

I refuse to be anyone’s object

I am a woman

In flesh and bones

I stand strong while holding my own

I refuse to be an opinion

And option or a toy

I am a woman who holds on strong to the love and care for others

I put many people and tasks before myself and

If you asked me to give up something for your love and only yours

I would rather leave you in the dust wondering where you went wrong!

So please understand that although you see me crumbling inside

Don’t dare to challenge

my mental state of mind

Because I will walk and never to return

I am bold and brave because I am a strong WOMAN!

Optimistic D3Vi❤️

Am I just a simple being?

No, I am not

I am me

Uniquely formed with the intelligence of a scientist, the strength of a warrior, the love of a mother, the warmth of a friend, the joy after pain, the sunshine after rain, the beauty in the dark, the star that lights the skies, I am uniquely formed a woman of Gods creation.

Am I just a simple being?

No, I am not

I am the prize at the bottom of the cereal box, the toy in the happy meal, the laughter of a clown, the frown upside down, I am the reason for someone else life. I am me

Uniquely qualified!

Am I just a simple being?

No, I am not

I am the Diamond in the rough, been broken and fixed, I’ve been burnt and yet I healed. I am the sparkle in your fears, I write unity and advice, I live on the edge of life. I’ve been bruised and disrespected, still I manage to lift my head.

I am uniquely blessed

Am I just a simple being?

No, I am not!

I am the shadow that follows your path, behind your every step of the way. I pray for lost souls and hope that I get found. I am impossible but still I fear, I am human and I make mistakes!

I learn from them in my own way!

I am uniquely Born again.

Am I just a simple being?

No, I am not

I am just me

Optimistic D3Vi

Black Beauty Queen

Succulent lips

Thunder thighs

Curvy hips with a

Flawless face

Her Body smooth

Shimmering

Like cocoa butter skin on a hot summer day

Dripping wet

A Queens crown glistening

She’s a black beauty

Rare and supreme

Stronger than any you have ever seen

Born into slavery

To managing her own company in the twenty first century

The mind of an intellectual woman

Striving for better in the world which is filled of starvation, war and many other disasters

She’s a black beauty

A Queen indeed

Carved into my memory

the sound of her voice and the sway of her hips

Her presence is of a

magical bliss

A priceless masterpiece

Yes indeed

She is

A

Black beauty Queen

Optimistic D3Vi

My healing process

Today, I have healed! I have healed pass the agony and betrayal of those who have claimed their love for me, healed pass the broken bones and silent shadows of disgust and misery. I have over came before and I am cover coming as I am writing. Writing is my outlet of healing and it will be the reason for my success. I can feel it beating in my throat the joy that is awaiting to explode. I feel free because I have learned and I have conquered releasing the pain, the sadness, and the stress. I have faith that is as little as a mustard seed that things will get better for me and as time progressed I begin to see positive changes around me. I’ve began to open up more and come out of my shadows of blaming myself and realizing that what has been done should have been forgiven to move forward and self heal. I’ve learned to become one with my mind and soul. I’ve learned to appreciate and love me first, before I can give love to others. In doing this, I have accomplished! I have conquered my fears of rejection and accepted that whether or not I am perfection in anyone’s eyes it doesn’t truly matter, because I love me and once I pour into me everything will flow with Gods grace if it was meant to be. I have battled storms and given up but through it I somehow always managed to pull myself up and face the battle straight on. I’ve managed to stop running away from problems and challenge it at that moment, letting it not carry through for the next day, holding no grudges and having no regrets and so with faith I continued to pray. I believed that God would help me find a way to get through the tough moments and so I saw it, I felt it, and I experienced it, that was a way of showing me to stand my own and be true to my word. I’ve paved paths and gotten side tracked yet, I have managed to restore what has been lost.

I carried hate for so long and I had to release my negative energy, so I found ways to learn to love again and revive my soul from the enemy. I didn’t love myself and so looking in the mirror was scary, not until I found my peace and tranquillity was I able to embrace life’s beauty. I had anger built up inside, draining my mind and filling up my soul with resentment against love, suicidal thoughts entered my brains, regrets of relationships and neglected myself, but I managed to let go and let God fix this mess. I kneeled with head bowed, and shoulders slumped, giving my all as I poured out, tears of pain, turned into tears of joy as I was alive once again. I saved myself because I believed and I walked with faith and not by sight. I believed that my spiritual journey began in its perfect time. I did hit rock bottom, but I survived and I thank my higher power each and every day for saving my life. I’ve been healed by the power of my voice, I spoke it into existence and believed that positivity brings fourth life.

Optimistic D3Vi

Not a thank you for all that I do

Not a hug nor a kiss

Not a card with sweet words in it

Nothing was expected but gratitude for all that I do

Our conversations became about

work and paying the bills, the workers and their madness, my past life and who was in it.

Our conversations are never about making things better for a change

It’s always the same complains

I’m stuck in the middle

Fed up and afraid

I’m tired of always living this way

I feel more like a slave than a daughter, sister, or lover

Trapped between enemies of both sides of the families

I keep silent but my voice inside is trying to shout out

I need help

Help to heal me from this pain of self doubt and continuous anger

I need someone to hug me and say thank you for the little things you do

To hear that I love you sincerely with a voice of a vision so rare

Illuminate my soul with laughter

Rather than continuously pointing fingers and making demands

I need joy, peace and less agony

I need to free my spirit and regain my positive mentality

Optimistic D3Vi

Starve your distractions by

Feeding your focus and begin pouring into yourself

regaining that inner strength

Forgive yourself before you can forgive anyone else

Letting go isn’t weakness

Do NOT blame yourself for the way someone treats you

Honor yourself and know your worth

Live only to your standards or demands and none else

Before you can heal past the hurt you must forgive you first

and victory will be yours

For the past was just a lesson learned

Teaching us all to appreciate and value our lives, appreciate the beauty of being able to love, appreciate the pain and aggravation, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, loss of everything and start fresh with a clear conscience

Because in order to know life we must know death, in order to love we must feel hate, in order to appreciate sunshine we must get wet in the rain, and etc…

The journey is what we should be thankful for no matter how hard it was

Everything teaches us to appreciate the value of life, and everything in between until death knocks upon our doors

It is all a process of living

Optimistic D3Vi

Listen here my guy

Listen here my guy

I am not your toy to be played with

I am not to be Yelled at or be embarrassed

I am your lady

There’s no if and why or maybe

Treat me as such for walking away will be a must for me

Understand that I am a woman with no demands because I hold my own and carry my burden by myself

I adjust to my surroundings and sleep with one eye always opened

No matter where my feet lands

I will be in command of my being and succeed in whatever way to my own understanding

Listen here my guy

Being with me is pretty easy

If I told you I don’t like something please don’t persist and get all demanding

If I asked you to respect me it’s because I was respected all my life by many

And that

sorry is just a sorry word on repeat

While your actions has proven oppositely

Listen here my guy

I am in this relationship with hopes of one day being your wife

And having a family of our own with four walls and a roof over our head to call home

I love games but I don’t like pretend

Playing house boyfriend/ girlfriend with plastic dolls as our children

when you accuse me of cheating on you dear

Think twice because I’m not in this for a momentarily ride

I want a lifetime of memories with you side by side

Through the good and the bad

Happiness or sad

Poverty or riches

Starving or full

I want all the emotions of battleships and success

Together with you

Hand in hand

Listen here my guy

I’ve had so many reasons to walk away

Not once

Not twice but many many times

Yet I stayed

And in replace

You drained my energy

Fed me negativity

By bringing up the past each day

As if I’m stuck on the wall since the last four years

Way back when my nephew did you wrong

Just remember I had nothing to do with that

So when you hurt me over and over again with your distasteful words

Remember I’m the one in the middle who is suffering

Remember I have also been hurt

not just by my nephew doing what he did

But also by the words in which you spoke

They were like daggers aiming straight to the heart inflicting my soul with pain

Shattering what love was in my mind as forever I shall remain clueless to where you want to be in my life

Listen here my guy

Please make up your mind

Wether you will carry this hate and torture me with words never to marry me or give me a family of my own

Will you try to heal the past

Get through the hurt?

Will you Forgive and move forward?

Will you walk away forever?

I am still here waiting for things to change

But nothing will

Unless we aim and make the first move at figuring out where we deserve to be

Should we carry grudges and blame or forgive, heal and win?

Listen here my guy

My clock is ticking

And time waits for none

Please make a decision

As you’ve heard my reasons

Of me being the middle one

Taking the hurt while fingers are pointing my way

Yet I stand in questions of our love and faith for each other

Awaiting daily for that honest answer

Listen here my guy

I await your response

Optimistic D3Vi

Little child

Your health condition worries me

It has my heart feeling heavy

The way your legs tremble to and from up and down

The words you speak confuses me

Your mental state of mind hasn’t been the same

Since the day you witnessed your sister gunned down in front your face

as your eyes peered upon her body from below the bed

I can’t begin to imagine what was going through your head

It baffles me with many questions of why and my soul aches

To see the hurt

upon your face

I wish I could rewind the hands of time

And bring your soul back to life

I wish I could put the beats back in your heart

And push a button that marks delete

Wiping away every pain your eyes have seen

Taking away your misery

But since I am no God and I can’t do so

I want you to know

That my ears are always open to hear the things you need to release

My heart is open to show you unconditional love

My soul is open to your questions and I pray each day I will always have a positive answer for you

I want you to know that there’s a reason for everything and in a season time changes everything

I want you to know that love holds no fear and I love you unconditionally always and forever

I pray for you to get mentally better

Optimistic D3Vi

Prom

It only comes once in a while

Glams and glitters

Expensive wears

Suits and ties

And gorgeous gowns

High heels and makeup

Corsage on the hand

cameras out

Video footages of the journey

Step by step

as we embrace the magical night

A prom king and queen to be chosen

Dancing away to awesome songs

Wishing this moment will never end

And there it goes

Just one last dance

Prom night the best time of anyone’s life

Optimistic D3Vi

Karaoke 🎤

You sing

I sing

As we pass the mic around from one hand to another

Singing to a vision far beyond our reach

Purifying our souls

urged to free ourselves

Pouring into a greater journey

Our destinations are where we deserve to be

Karaoke

High pitch with the perfect lift and soft tones as we move in rhythm of a peaceful slow

As waters flows soothingly

The sight of unity

The smell of burning desires

Fire ignited

As we sang individually

Karaoke

Optimistic D3Vi

Thorns on a rose

The rose

As beautiful as it is

It causes pain when pricked by its thorns

On the fingertips

It’s beauty brings pain as water is it’s reason for growth

Sunlight for food

As it dwells within the universe

Those thorns are proof that beauty is pain

Rose petals velvety red

Soft and smooth

The stem buried deep in its soil holding in place the magical life to a painful beauty

Thorns on a rose 🌹

Optimistic D3Vi

Please don’t use me as your punching bag because of your abusive past

I have feelings and they get hurt

I feel empty too

sometimes even afraid and alone

But that doesn’t mean it’s okay

for me to be angry with you all of the time

Or pointing the blame through out the difficult times in our lives

So please don’t use me as a punching bag

Emptying your emotions upon my shoulders making me feel unworthy of your love

As you degrade my character for the miserable childhood you had

Please don’t use me as a punching bag

For I have been hurting too and I am also sad

Things in my past I cannot change

My life isn’t perfect and will never be the same as when my innocence was alive and I knew not of being hurt or denied

Please don’t use me as a punching bag

Because I’ve shared with you all of my mishaps

I am far from perfect and I wish never to be that is because it’s better to try and fail than fail to try

in order to succeed

Through those moments is when growth begins and we live and learn from everything

So please don’t use me as a punching bag

To satisfy your pains by seeing someone you claim to love hurt by the words you used in vain

Please don’t use me as your punching bag

Optimistic D3Vi

Criticize me not

Criticize me not for you know nothing about the shoes I’ve walked in

You know not of the horrific things which has happened to me along my journey of life and the challenges which could have led me to my death

Criticize me not

For I am a woman filled with love protruding

No matter how much I am hurting

Criticize me not

For I am now more stronger than ever because of the trials in which I’ve once faced

I’ve built up my courage to stand firm and carry my own crown

So

Criticize me not

For I am a woman who will always stand her ground

Criticize me not

For my education, skin color or religion

My car, house or job description

For I am a woman who works very hard

Contributes to everything in the home and from the heart

I try to make everyone happy around me and distribute my time evenly and yes I may sometimes get angry

It’s the human in me

Criticize me NOT

Optimistic D3Vi

So many levels

So many questions

So many reasons to understand that life is what it was meant to be

And only us humans can change our destiny

Sometimes we speak for others to listen but mostly we seek for healing

Speaking of things as we all compare of

our uncertain circumstances

Knowing that the answers are buried deep within us

We will always have a solution

Verbally communicating with others who are going through the similar situations can heal us as we realize that the past has a lot of demons

From childhood to adults we carry through that pain trying to hide those emotions and when everything builds up it eventually resurfaces

Only to face the truthful pain

We battle emotions of neglect, disrespect, verbal or physical violence

Life is a circle and what happens is that we must face the challenges head strong and face forward to heal past the hurt and begin to grow.

Optimistic D3Vi

Cluttered minds

Catastrophe

No matter how hard I try to escape my mental challenges it still brings me back to the verbal damages

Constantly replaying in my mind

The words you spoke after years of knowing me

It took you eight years to say how you truly feel

And all along when things went right

I had no clue as to the emotions you were battling inside

I wish I knew a long time ago

Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so very low

About my character

Although your thoughts about me isn’t true

It’s your opinion

Still I can’t seem to understand why it bothers me

Because I know I’m a great woman

Indeed I’ve made mistakes and that which I’ve accepted

We’re humans and its bound to happen

But with you everything has to be perfection

And for me

I can’t be that woman who starts pretending

That I can flow with the winds direction

I’m trying my best to make it right but constantly bringing up the past won’t fix the issues we have

Getting past and pushing forward is the only solution to this insane verbal communication

Optimistic D3Vi

Taking trips down memory lane

As I remembered all of the pain

While questioning my God

Although I’ve encountered many beautiful things but more pain than joy

As I sit on the sofa

I began to think

Why is all of this happening?

I do so much good for many others and yet the pain remains

That aching pain buried deep within

Always seems to keep resurfacing

I remembered that day

When my innocence was snatched away

By a complete stranger

As I was forced to repeat the incident over and over as authorities questioned for exact details

I remembered the Cops asking me to please help assist in catching this criminal by describing his features

But my mind goes blank every once in a while

And I zone out into a place where I don’t belong

All alone and afraid

The visions in my head

As I relived that day

Like a melody stuck on repeat

With a horrific beat

I remembered that day when I opened up

And trusted a guy

Told him those secrets which I always wanted to hide

I remembered how he reacted with tears in his eyes

As he hugged me and told me I’ll be alright

I remembered his eyes peering into mine and I felt a sudden comfort to my surprise

I remembered as time went on and things went south that same man began to shout all of that pain out by throwing it in my face

Questioning the woman I am

I began feeling neglected and disowned

Torn down and broken

I remembered that dagger

Hitting hard

Like double edges swords fighting battles no one knows of

I remembered getting the results from my Doctor

Being diagnosed with stage one uterine cancer

Not being able to have a baby of my own

Being told I will have to have a full hysterectomy

As my mind drifted and I began to start

Losing slowly what’s left of my womanhood

And my dignity

I remembered going in for treatments while Doctors yelled at me as if it was my fault which has happened to me

I remembered that day you took my heart and when you threw it back in such an awful way

I remembered it all from beginning to now as if it was yesterday this all occurred

My mind is battling emotions which no one knows about

Optimistic D3Vi