Create in me

Create in me

A garden of love

Rose petals and sunflowers

Bright reds and yellows

Purples and blues

Classical tunes

Create in me a sanctuary

A place where the universe respects me

Where magic happens and love blooms

Create in me

A mystery

For eyes that seeks and a soul that yearns

In hopes of faith and magic

A garden of love

Create in me

A beautiful womb

Bringing fourth life and a peaceful home

Placing good intentions in whatever you do

Create in me

A garden filled with colors of life

Guiding and protecting me with all of your might

Create in me that burning desire

When the body tingles and toes curl

Luring me in and letting me lose control

Create in me

A haven to lay my head

Desiring for love and respect

Create in me

A garden of colors and love

Optimistic D3Vi

Why?

Why?

Why do you invade my mind in the deepest darkest hours of the night?

Why do I allow you to control my sanctum when I look to you for simple guidance?

Why do I allow this insane manipulation when I am making real life decisions?

Questions I keep asking myself

Not knowing how else could I cope

To whom else will I vent?

Tales that are untold

Mysteries unfolds for the eyes of those who feels the pain buried deep within

When they begin soul searching

Why do I allow you to convince me that my character is disgusting? Is it because I have low self esteem and you’ve found a way to diminish me?

Why do I allow your verbal abuse? Have you ever thought that I’ve been through this before and I’m stronger now to just listen and endure?

Why do you think so low of me? Have I not given you my heart freely?

Why do I tremble when you speak? It is because your voice has made me feel and your words have conquered my soul, leaving that bitter sour

deep down inside

And a part of me wishes to curl up and die

Why do I allow you to walk over me with words? That is because you have never been loved before and mistakes will be made that is true but understand that your actions cannot constantly be forever forgiven

And true love isn’t a match made in heaven

It’s learning to grow, adapt and achieve together as one

It’s not yours nor mine

It’s “our” mission

Why do I allow you to do the things you do and say the way you feel? It is because my love was strong and my faith in “us” is real

Optimistic D3Vi

Monstrous love

Please don’t birth in me what you wish not to see

For I have only existed in your life as a tool of service when in need

For days at a time

I have cried

And you’d turn your face and hide

Nothing changes

Just words becoming more bitter and hearts more heavy

Mind cluttered from the distinct

Catastrophe

Reasoning with you is like an

Endless agony

Please don’t birth in me what you wish never to exist

For each time I crumble and break down in disgust

I will carry less weights on my shoulder and in prayer I must walk on even stronger

Abandoning the love with which I once entrusted in you

Seeking refuge in Gods light and having faith to see me through

Please don’t birth the devil inside

For I was once humble and polite

And things can change

For better or worse

But once a damaged property

Nothing will ever work

Please don’t birth the pain in me

For I can turn

against that honesty

And you will regret

Because I know who I was

Indeed a change

is a must

Wether for good or for bad

Each side had its chance

At making amends

Letting go is not just for show

It’s deep and dark releasing its part

Please don’t ever birth in me that monstrous love for a broken heart is what made us part

Optimistic D3Vi

Rebuilding on new foundations

Breaking to rebuild on new foundations

You’ve broken my heart with daggers from the words you speak which flows from the lips which had once kissed me

You’ve shattered my dreams of becoming successful with your threats of calling in immigration and the US Marshall’s

You’ve destroyed my soul with your distasteful words

Cluttered my mind with negativity and ripped apart my pride and dignity

But today I will rebuild what you have torn down

That is my womanhood

My womb must heal past the hurt

My mentality will change for the better

And you will be a memory filled of emotional disasters

I will rebuild on new foundations

That is my character in which I will fight for

Proving my destination is greater than what you foresee for me in the near future

You have claimed my prize possession taking my heart and throwing it back without

considerations

You dug deep and hit me where it hurts

Using my past to relive that hurt

You birthed in me the beautiful monster you see

And pointed fingers, telling lies and verbally abused me

I will rebuild and it will be stronger this time

I refuse to allow your negative energy bring me down with time

I am ever more stronger than before

From the degrading words you spoke

About me

I will now carry myself with my head held high holding on to my pride and privacy

Keeping in the silence of steady progress

As my success shines brighter within me

I will rebuild from the gutters to the skies

I will climb to the highest mountains and speak only to the wise

I will rise

Optimistic D3Vi

What was the start of the fight as a mind goes blank under the starlight. Drifted thoughts…

After years of listening, coping and dealing

I became the trash that’s taken out at midnight

Disposing my innocence together with my emotions

Mixed signals

As similar to traffic lights

Confused as

One side is blinking while

The other is blank

Like

Two sides to a book

That is

Front and back

Words adding heavy weights on the soul

Like painful categories

Luring the brain to focus on the the title

Leading with full control

Pleading insanity

Desiring for ones mind to seek focus

On that which has been written

Words of deep and dark, Dreary visions

Mental predictions deep within

Burning Sensation flowing beneath the skin

As the vessels within me began opening

Creating illusions of what my eyes are reading

Broken in disgust

My character chained

Shackles on my feet

And corruption in the brain

Distancing myself from the universe as I seek refuge from the things which hurts

While sitting under blankets of stars

Alone under the skies light

As I thought and questioned

what was the reason in the starting of this fight

Optimistic D3Vi

Words

Words slicing through my veins

Causing me to lose control of my sanity

Making me speak angrily

Illusions created in the mind

As anger builds up and releases on its own time

The past, present and future has been scorched, with the words from one with a broken heart

Spilling words with such haste

bringing fourth a bitter taste

Words has the power to cut deep

Like Pouring salt on open wounds

It takes years for it’s surface to heal

Optimistic D3Vi

Words are like daggers

You hope that I suffer for the rest of my life

I understand now

That

Words spoken in anger and hurt can cause destruction in the hearts and mind of anyone it’s intended towards

I felt those daggers

Digging deep

From inside

Pushing its way through to the surface

For the world to see the confusion on my face and

The corruption on my soul

It clearly shows

I am broken by your words

You hope that I suffer for the rest of my life

Because I was busy working and providing, cooking and cleaning to make everything feel right

Trying to keep my composure

With my head held high

And because I did not have much time

You wished me bad

You spoke with the tongue of a doubled edged sword

Inflicting pain inside my womb

Causing my anger to grow

Those words I would never have wished upon you

Are the words you pray for me to feel

My endurance levels aren’t the same as when we first met

Little things say or do continue to get under my skin

But those words was just the icing on the cake

Making me now regret the times which we’ve once shared

I am broken by your words

And there isn’t anything that will change the way I feel

Not time, not money, not apology’s, not a birth of new beginnings

But the one thing that will make me a better individual is to refrain from the one thing that hurts me most

And that is your words

Keeping you at a distance

And putting myself first in all equations

Optimistic D3Vi