Screaming for help
As the Doctors came rushing in
Heart rates dropped
Full body seizure
I can only hear the echos in my brain
Injections one after another
Blood being drawn to get tested
Not sure what’s wrong with my head
I can hear it clearly as the Doctor says
“Patient Pronounced Dead At 14:00 hours”
I wish it was me instead of her
My life has no meaning
I wish there’s a way you can give her my soul
But even so
I don’t think she would be at peace
Because my life is filled with misery
My blood is filled with clots of pain
Clogging air passageways
My body broken and almost every joint has been replaced.
Arthritis takes over my hands and toes causing them to curl into different directions
I wonder what has happened so many times
It was just of a sudden
My veins are swollen from the constant pricking, energy drained, skin pale.
I’m hanging by a thread, wishing it was me that was pronounced dead!
Can’t you see
The only reason I am alive it is because of those machines?
Doctor Doctor spoke finally
“I’ve prescribed medications one after another, I’ve researched every possible reasons of what could of, I have given you all the advice to help you not get to this stage, I have told you things to slow down the process of death, and still I stand to help you now after years, I still fight for your life and supply you with air. But instead you wish it was you that was pronounced dead. This makes me angry because I can only advice, it is you who will have to change the pattern of your style!”
You have no idea of how I feel! You can only assume that I am in pain, unless
If I express with you the words from my lips.
I know you have tried but I haven’t done what I’ve been told and for this reason it is me that wishes to go.
At 12 with a skin disease, until my later teens and into adult hood I have suffered with much more than I should. From skin conditions, to diabetes, irregular periods, and thyroid conditions
I have had enough of fighting a battle I have no control of.
It is said medications can help but with that it causes reactions and other imperfections. At 12 It is not fair I lived with this pain all my life and nothing or no one will
Understand that COPD changes your life.
Thank you for trying the best you could
I wouldn’t change what I’ve said
But I understand where you’re coming from and I too will try.
To be continued…